Someone said to me, 'what goes in must come out'. I laughed at them and then thought about it a little bit later whilst I was lying in bed with my huge stomach protruding out the front of me and my Missy Moo kicking about inside. "Oh shit." I started to have a mini panic attack. I'm not sure why, there was nothing I could do, it had already been done. I grabbed one of my pregnancy books which I had discarded because instead of encouraging the process of pregnancy it made me paraniod telling me about all the things that could go wrong. I flipped to the pages on giving labour. It told me I should have a birth plan. I was 30 weeks pregnant by this stage and hadn't even thought of a birth plan. If I did that, it actually meant that this little being inside of me was real and that I was going to be solely responsible for a human life. Panic again set in at these thoughts. A Baby, I'm having a baby, which will turn into a child then an adult. I am responsible for creating a respectful functioning adult in the world. So my thought process promptly jumped to two pictures in my mind. A well adjusted beautiful woman with long dark hair (like her mothers) and a lovely smile going about her day as...a doctor, or maybe she's an artist it didn't matter this picture was fantastic. Then the clouds started to darken and I saw my beautiful little girl as one of the scourge of scociety. My mind scrambled back to the first image. I had to create this woman. Who else was going to look after me in my old age. I don't mind having a rocking chair on a porch somewhere with a blanket over my knees as long as someone can make me a cup of tea. This is where my 'Journey to become the perfect mother' started. I know that there is no such thing as the perfect mother and I am far and few between. Instead my life is filled with chaos and the new found skill of multi multi tasking.

I decided that I was going to have a perfect birth. The girl on the video didn't seem to have such a rough go of it. Sure it looked painful but she coped. I wasn't going to have any drugs. All natural for me. There was no way anyone was going to come near me with a scalpal either. C Sections were off the cards. I wanted to be relaxed and calm through the whole process. I made a music playlist and got come sachet coffees and chocolate bars for the even all packed in my bag. I also packed my hospital bag, which really looked like I was going to a hotel for a weekend. My due date was the 6th March, and I went into labour on the 6th March at 4am, my bloody show came away. I'd never been so excited in my life. MY BABY my beautiful girl was coming into the world. Sophie didn't arrive until 1.17pm on the 8th of March. Yes that's right people thats 53 hours! Not only did I have drugs. I had an epidural and scintocin. I honestly don't know what I was so worried about. When your in that much pain the needle doesn't seem that big plus it wasn't me who saw it go in. It was Ryan. His face turned white. After that I had a sleep and a rest and was ready to give birth to my wee girl when my midwife checked the progress and asked if I had been pushing. "Nope" I replied. Missy Moo's head was coming out and I had no idea. Episitomy later she was delievered.

Master Bubble was much easier. He kindly broke my waters for me. But I never went into labour. No unfortunately my body doesn't understand how to give birth. It didn't learn it the first time. I went into hospital at 11am on the 4th Jan and he was born at 5.40pm. I had an epi and scintocin this time too which is fine...only the epi didn't work where it was supposed to work. THE PUSHING PART! So between my two labours I like to think I have had a complete birth.

Now I can honestly say, for me the best part of the whole pregnancy process is the delivery! You may be in pain, but it means it the end and you get to have your beautiful little baby in your arms at the end of it. Finally get to meet the wee creature who has bounced kicked and punched your insides for the last nine months.